Doesn’t real life at times do away with the things we dream of doing each day… 🙂
That list I typed up a couple of months ago? I hesitate to look at it now for thought of all remaining undone. This is my first blog post in over two months (somewhere I have a draft I began back then re fibromyalgia’s impact on my life). Still, I’m never bored – and so what if I die with an unfinished ‘To Do’ list? Each day has been full to the brim; mostly with the good, sometimes with things I’d rather not be there. Like depression and housework. Conversely, I’m one of ‘those’ people whose mood lifts when I get stuck into all the ‘spring’ cleaning not done each day: windows, walls, painting, wiping each item in the house with orange-scented cleaning cloth… These things are within my control or give a sense of achievement and so lift my depression?
Then there are the people I am glad are in my life: husband, children and grandchildren. All require some portion of each day, even when not here physically. I’m glad to have them, but all distract from the ‘me’ list. Do I need better time management skills, an earlier rising time…? To be honest, as much as I want (need) the outlets on my list/s, I’m not unhappy with my life as it is. I like having plans for tomorrow. I think perhaps that is my way of acknowledging that there will be a tomorrow. An insight there into the darker thoughts that at times compete for space within me. I’m an optimist, but it takes work to remain one. And that’s where my lists come in.
I have many crochet/knitting patterns beckoning me to finish the current project (I often have to remind myself to enjoy the one I’m doing as I loved it in print enough to want to do it before the others – live in the moment), and there are many articles I want to write (as a precursor to getting my non-fiction writing started, which will remove the stumbling block to me writing novels). I hope to find the right balance, the kindest way to say to my nearest and dearest Please, when I enter my office, respect my need to do so for me, given how much I have always and will always do for you so that I can feel success in beginning something other than housework, daily grind. I want to soar, I dream of it, almost drool at the thought – and so I shall one day.
Even as I try to edit this post for publication, the cat meows at the front door to be let in for dinner, and the dogs have let themselves in through the back door – the smell of the orange cake in the oven that must need checking by now, and my husband calling out Have you cut any yet re the just baked banana cake adding You’ve used something different; it’s dry and flaky – ah, life interuptus 🙂 Smile, even though you want to tell him more than There is nothing different… And still I type, edit, trying to get this one blog post published as today’s to do item achieved.